| wirelesslessness |
[Oct. 12th, 2006|01:56 pm] |
Occasionally entropy can be a good thing, like when it stops your cocoa from burning your mouth. mostly though it's just inconvenient: sometimes life seems to consist of trying to fix things while other things are busy getting themselves broken.
can anyone advise me how to get my sodding wireless connection working? My new laptop detected the wireless network in my flat a couple of times, but failed to connect to it as I managed to enter the wrong password. Since then it's become bored with the whole 'wireless' idea and refuses to even search for the network. When i click on 'refresh networks list' it instantly says 'no networks were found in range'. I KNOW it's lying because my flatmate's wireless laptop works perfectly. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2006|12:41 pm] |
I wrote half a book recently. I mention this not to brag (firstly it's rubbish, and secondly only 50 percent of the rubbish is mine), but because while idly leafing through the 2006-2007 catalogue of 'presents for men'* I found it featured alongside such choice gift items as this and this. oh, and these.
possibly it's not the kind of thing envisaged when nursing childhood ambitions of being a published author. but still. breast-shaped soap dispensers. who knew? ladies take note, and don't be stuck for gift ideas this xmas. don't buy any of the books, though. they're all toss, and for contractual reasons I won't receive any royalties .
* yes I know but it was just lying around, alright? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|12:06 pm] |
those men giving away the free papers by oxford circus are very insistent aren't they? I came home with 15 assorted copies of the other day and was able to compare at my leisure the journalistic standards of the metro, londonlite, and thelondonpaper. thelondonpaper is probably best; the name is a touch of genius and there are features on how to pick up lesbians if you're a lady who's feeling a bit bi-curious and just fancies giving it a go. also I'm partial to their 'lovestruck' column:
To the redheaded woman who made my gooch tingle with your smile on the 7.58 from waterloo east to london bridge. fancy a G&T sometime?
Thursday 28th September, 11AM central line. You: petite, brown bob, got off at Shepherd's Bush. Me: had a guitar case, fell on to man opposite you.
'gooch'? what? and does anyone ever answer these things? I am going to place one to find out since a) it's free and b) it could be the start of something beautiful:
Cricklewood B&Q. Me: facial piercings, Cradle of FilthT-shirt. You: enchanting eyes, 2 rolls of laminate flooring. your burkha got caught in the automatic doors. was there chemistry between us? Get in touch. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|11:49 am] |
tube train: neil pearson?
hard to tell. he looks so much
like everyone else. |
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| bloody aliens, forever ruining your photos. |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|11:31 am] |
well jigger me sideways if I haven't inadvertently photographed AN ACTUAL UFO.
so there we are; the vexed question of intelligent extraterrestrial life laid to rest once and for all. ho hum.
and if you're thinking of going to see 'snow cake', in which sigourney weaver plays a bereaved autistic mother, I can save you the bother: alan rickman wants to lay to rest his inner demons, sigourney just wants to go on the trampoline. oh, and he gives her a rather unusual cake. can you guess what it's made of? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|11:45 am] |
If it stays nice this weekend we are planning to buy and renovate the Arundel Arms. What should we turn it into, though?
a. roller disco
b. rifle range
c. spud-u-like
d. dalston's first ziggurat
e. yoga retreat for lesbians
f. yoga retreat for lesibans
g. pub museum
h. pub
i. leave it as it is; urban decay has its own charm, or
j. other?
( more ) |
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| Mr. Platter is a wise man |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|03:46 pm] |
Is anyone else a fan of Colonel Ghadafi's blog? http://www.algathafi.org/en/index_en.htm
More techno-savvy than your average 64 year old dictator, the colonel has taken to broadcasting his thoughts via the internet. What his arguments lack in coherence they more than make up for in utter self-conviction and a slightly psychotic quality compounded by some bizarre translation. Here he is on the evils of football:
Beware of the FIFA dangerous sicknesses
Medical researches confirmed and are currently confirming and will confirm that most of the peoples overtaken, enthusiastic and addicts of the football are the first to be hit by the psychological and nervous sicknesses leading to angina pectois, strokes, diabetics, blood pressure and early senility At the time when movement of a human being constricts due to excessiveness of technology use; and accordingly becomes lazier, more exanimate and flabbier; and sport transforms, in turn, from an individual activity, like prayers where no proxy is allowed or a public activity practiced by the republic all (Jamahiriya Sport*) to an exploitation and monopoly activity for the predominating and rich elite; the same as it with FIFA today.. and thus, the public are to be only stuffed within the role of stupid spectator.
Too right, Moamar.
and is there any truth in the rumour that ghadafi's son saadi was 'wining and dining' Nicole Kidman recently? I do hope so. |
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| fushdjfing keyborad |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|02:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  recumbent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tap dancing lessons upstairs | ] |
last night my flatmate and I had quite a long conversation via MSN. she was in the next room. is this healthy?
on the plus side it was quite jolly and we managed to avoid any of our habitual bickering as she could neither see me rolling my eyes nor hear me tutting. if I get my way all communication in the flat will be on MSN from now on.
tip for guitar owners: leave it propped all winter next to the radiator to achieve some unusual atonal harmonies when strumming your favourite westlife songs. |
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| PONTIFF DENIES MARIJUANA ALLEGATIONS |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|12:16 pm] |
What better way to commemorate the pope's recent visit to Bavaria than with a haiku bonanza?
he looks old and frail.
does the pope shit in the woods?
it seems unlikely.
he is god's proxy
on earth. you'd think they'd get him
a less stupid car.
he could have chosen
any name, even tarzan.
why pope benedict?
do they ever race
the popemobile, around the
vatican, for laughs?
josef ratzinger:
the germans seem to like him
but muslims don't, much.
yes, that last one is extremely topical. maybe just one would have been plenty, but that's a haiku for every time I thought about pizza while he kept us waiting. |
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| 2-4-6-8 motorway |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|12:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | CMJ | ] |
I just had my first taste of bargain basement intercity coach travel on the aptly named Megabus. it was well mega.
don't attempt it with a hangover though. ditto if you think you might be irritated by someone in the seat behind playing with their novelty cartman ringtone for several hours.
for the same low low price I could've got the all-new megatrain, but to my disappointment it was all booked up. It's not the entire train that is mega, you understand, but just one carriage. and, as a penalty for travelling for mere PENCE while the other passengers on the very same train have paid through the nose, you have to promise to stay on until the end of the line. You're not allowed off at intervening stations even if the train stops there. to enforce this rather arbitrary rule, mega snipers are placed on the roof of the London to Exeter train, under instructions to shoot on sight anyone making a run for it at woking or tiverton parkway. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|03:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bonnie prince billy - cursed sleep | ] |
If you can bear listening to mariella frostrup, radio 4 is currently in the middle of a season of programmes entitled 'the memory experience'. http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/memory/
Last night I listened intently to 'The Making of Memory', a documentary which examined in physiological terms how the brain stores and recalls things. Strangely enough I can remember ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. |
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| Sponsored Wank |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|06:20 pm] |
opportunities to wank under exam conditions are surely few and far between, but this Saturday London proudly hosts Europe’s very first Masturbate-a-thon, held in aid of various HIV and sexual health charities. The website promises that stern, clipboard-bearing officials will be 'maintaining a watch over participants to guarantee that pledged and competitive times are precise to the minute'. Quality control will be rigorously enforced: monitors are also responsible for ensuring 'the consistency of self pleasuring'. So, no pretending to enjoy it while you're really thinking about grouting the bathroom. Quite how much 'self pleasuring' you can do while someone stands over you with a stopwatch and clipboard I don't know, but I understand some people go in for that kind of thing.
Full information at http://www.masturbate-a-thon.co.uk/
But here are those all-important rules in brief:
'Participants may be sponsored for every minute they masturbate and/or the number of orgasms they achieve'
'Fresh disposable paper sheets will be available for every participant. So will extra batteries'
'If you would like to be considered for the "Most Orgasms" category please inform your monitor' |
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| hello |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|12:04 am] |
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um |
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